


Cover Story

by lamename



Category: Megamind (2010)
Genre: Gen, Not Beta Read, Possible OOCness, Pre-Canon, pretend homophobia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-30
Updated: 2018-01-30
Packaged: 2019-03-11 15:09:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,084
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13526868
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lamename/pseuds/lamename
Summary: An Evil Plot is simultaneously Not That Evil and too successful, but that's okay.





	Cover Story

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not entirely sure what this is. I thought TumblrMind's "Protective" theme was similar enough to one of my WIPs so I figured I'd finish it. As it turns out, shoehorning this story was more difficult than anticipated, and I'm not sure I'd qualify it for the theme, or that I like it the way it is. However, I don't think I'm excited enough to improve this story and like... if I failed at quality, then this time I'm going for quantity :D My longest *finished* piece yet.
> 
> (Also, it figures I'd get a fitting idea for the theme while writing this crappy summary...)

Minion pulled the bag off Roxanne’s head, and Megamind swirled his chair to face them. “Miss Ritchi, we--”

“Yes-yes, I’m not in the mood. Can we please fast-forward to the bit where I go home? I don’t have the time today.”

Megamind paused, his hands frozen in an incomplete evil gesture. He looked at Minion, who was staring at him, wide-eyed.

Megamind stood with a flourish and stalked to Roxanne. “Evil does not wait for anyone! Your plans just have to be rescheduled.”

Roxanne groaned. “You don’t understand. I’m working overtime this week, and if I wanted to get a decent night’s sleep, I needed to start on my report an hour ago.”

Megamind exchanged another glance with Minion, then walked around Roxanne, frowning. She did look more tense than usual. “Does your boss think you need to pull more hours just because you’re the best? I’m sure you can tell some kind of authorities if you’re treated unfairly.”

Roxanne shook her head. “It’s not quite for the channel,” she ground out. “Have you heard of the campaign for the LGBT+ shelter? I’ve been covering it, but apparently it’s not hot news anymore, even though they haven’t raised enough resources.”

Megamind walked back towards his console. Naturally he knew of the matter, he always caught Roxanne’s broadcasts. Stroking his goatee, Megamind turned around. Roxanne did look exhausted and preoccupied, not at all concerned about Megamind’s most recent plan. He didn't really have a choice.

Megamind clapped his hands. “Minion, give Miss Ritchi another dose. Our evil plans need some refining.”

Roxanne didn’t have a chance to ask questions before the spray hit her.

***

The smoke bombs fit the trunk of the invisible car nicely, leaving more than enough room for Megamind, Minion, and Roxanne. Megamind smiled when he saw the brainbots following the car in the rear mirror, and switched gears.

“Sir, I don’t think this is a good idea.”

Megamind sighed. “Yes, you said so already. But this is more fun and, most importantly, more EVIL than my original plan.”

Minion shifted in his seat, clinking his fingers together. “Are you sure you’re not letting Miss Ritchi influence your plans?” ~~~~

The car jostled them as Megamind’s foot on the pedal jerked. Roxanne mumbled something, but remained unconscious. “No,” he said firmly, “I’m only proving that I’m changeable!”

“That’s just it. I wouldn’t have thought you’d be alright with endangering the LGBT+ community. Even if everything will go just as you’ve intended. Sir.”

“Minion! How many times do I have to tell you not to question my plans?”

***

Megamind never regretted his plans. Walking around his improvised base that the brainbots had turned the head office into, he thought he would have regretted this one, had he wasted his magnificent invention on the original setting.

He reached the desk chair and made a face. If he was a director of something, he wouldn't be caught dead on the small grey polyester seat, but when Roxanne made some noise, he propped his backside up on it nonetheless.

Giving the monitor one final glance, he motioned for Minion to start. Minion pulled the bag off Roxanne’s head, and Megamind leaned back, lifting his legs on the table as he said, “Miss Ritchi, we meet again.”

Roxanne’s eyes slid around the room. “You know, hearing it twice in one evening makes it much more ridiculous. Why are we here?”

Megamind laughed, and had to grab the table as to not fall on his back in his flimsy seat. Roxanne didn’t bother to hide her smile, so Megamind harrumphed and activated the cameras. There was no time to waste, after all.

“Metrocity! I have a very special plan in store for you today. If your beloved Metro Mahn doesn’t come to stop me, Miss Ritchi,” he showed her rolling her eyes at the camera, “will not be the only casualty!”

And then he pushed the button to show the shelter’s canteen, where the staff and the occupants had been locked in. The atmosphere didn’t look very scary as many had cocooned themselves in the blankets the brainbots had robbed from a well-off store and dumped in the room, and somebody shouted, “You will never defeat Metro Man!” With a sneer, Megamind switched the view back to himself.

“So, Metro Mahn, do you possess enough brain cells to figure out where I’m holding them? Come to meet your DOOM!”

“That’s really a new low for you,” said Roxanne as Megamind turned the cameras off. “Bullying the innocent who have enough on their plates right now?”

Megamind swaggered over to walk in a tight circle around her. “Well I can’t keep making you my only victim, Miss Ritchi. Otherwise Metro Mahn will forget how to use his brain in hostage situations and pose no challenge.”

Roxanne frowned exaggeratedly. “Funny, in that case I think you shouldn’t have chosen the one room I conducted several of my recent interviews in.”

“Hah, as bright as you are, only supervillains are privy to the workings of evil.” He walked back to the other side of the room, where Minion was supervising the brainbots’ camera feeds on the local computer’s monitor. “Any sign of him yet?”

“Not yet, sir. Should I activate the smoke bombs now? We don’t know how the air currents are going to move, so I can’t calculate the best moment, Sir.” Minion looked down on him over his shoulder.

Megamind waved the concern away. “We can get brainbots to kick the gas up if necessary.”

“Resorting to smoke. Are there mirrors involved too?” Roxanne asked.

Megamind grinned at her. “Sorry to disappoint you, but your conclusion isn’t true.” Ignoring Minion’s protests, he turned the monitor towards Roxanne and pulled up the simulation. “Behold! This is what my new gas does to Metro Mahn’s genetic material!”

The Metro Man floating on the screen suddenly shrunk, his head ballooning and his skin turning blue as he fell from the air. Megamind glanced at Roxanne, who had pursed her lips. “When exposed to the gas, the compounds in it will change a few key genes to adopt my species’ characteristics!”

Roxanne’s eyes widened, but she didn’t have time to respond when Minion wrenched the monitor back.

“Sir, Metro Man spotted at the entrance!”

“Initiate!” shouted Megamind, rushing to the window. It was quite dusty, so he couldn’t really see what the hero was doing. Well, it didn’t matter overmuch. The brainbots closest to the entrance started broadcasting Megamind’s message.

“Pathetic defender of this pathetic city! As you know, I have multiple hostages. What you don’t know is my plan for them. If you want to get them unharmed you need to comply with my wishes!” He twirled his hands, lips stretched wide, before remembering the video feed was on Metro Mahn. A glance over his shoulder confirmed that Roxanne was very aware of that and none too impressed, but he shrugged it off.

Metro Man rolled his eyes. “Do them any harm and you’ll face a far greater punishment! And you know you’re never going to win while I’m invincible.”

“Oh, but how are you going to catch me when the building is overrun by,” Megamind tried to find something to roll off his tongue, “ _freaks_ like me? Do the sensible thing and stand down. Or do you not care for what I can do to them?”

Metro Man stilled in the air, finally listening. He took a moment to look around. Megamind was sure the cheat was using his x-ray vision, and he hissed, “Minion, get the smoke!”

Brainbots opened the cans. As the smoke started pooling onto the floor, Metro Man declared, “Every citizen of Metro City is perfect just the way they are and under my protection!” He charged inside.

Megamind shoved Minion out of the way to grip the monitor. The entrance hall was practically filled with black smoke the bots had kicked up, and Megamind prayed it would be enough in the changed parameters.

Metro Man flew close to the ceiling, managing to steer clear of the substance. Megamind was ready to tear his figurative hair out as he drew nearer to the office, when they all heard screams from the canteen. Quickly switching the feed, Megamind, Minion, and Roxanne were able to observe black tendrils penetrating the cafeteria, floating towards the hostages.

The screams made Metro Man change track, zip to the cafeteria and punch a hole in the wall. With Metro Man’s help, people climbed out, the airborne particles falling away from their blankets. A few burritos waved shyly at the filming brainbots stationed outside the building. Megamind tapped his foot in impatience as Metro Man took a moment for posing.

Having successfully evacuated everyone, Metro Man flew back in, heading for the director’s office. The cameras inside had become useless as the black smoke obscured the view, but Megamind was reasonably certain the corridor was filled.

There was a thud. The trio waited for Metro Man to emerge.

“This gas doesn’t even work on humans, does it?” Roxanne smirked at Megamind’s glare. “Just had to check.” She sprung from her chair too quickly for Megamind or Minion to react, ropes dropping to the floor, before flinging open the door and dragging Metro Man inside.

Metro Man was a right sight. The black smoke had dirtied his outfit, and he wore the expression of utmost fear that wasn’t too dissimilar from the gapes Megamind and Minion sported. He lost the blue color and lanky shape almost immediately after the door flung shut, however, and floated to loom over Megamind.

“You’ve crossed a line,” he growled, holding Minion away with one hand as he grabbed Megamind by his suit front.

Roxanne wormed her way between them. “I’m calling time out, Wayne!”

Metro Man turned his frown on her. “Are you protecting _him_? He went too far! Do you know how disturbing it feels when your body starts rearranging itself?”

“I’m not saying it wasn’t disturbing for you. I’m saying I want to ask Megamind a few questions before you take him to jail, and that we may be able to reach an agreement to avoid a repeat performance.”

Megamind threw her a betrayed look. “Can you imagine how complicated such DNA modification was? I fully intend to see if this could be the key to Metro Mahn’s weakness,” he sneered.

“Uh-uh. Minion, where did the blankets come from? I can’t remember seeing them from before.”

“Sir decided now was the right time to rob a store we didn’t approve of,” Minion answered, having come join them for time-out. He raised his hands at Megamind’s glare. “What? It’s not my fault we couldn’t spare the brainbots to bring the loot back to the Lair. But of course you shouldn’t read anything into it, Miss Ritchi, we simply had nowhere else to put them. Really.”

“And I know you modified today’s plan to take place here when I said the shelter wasn’t getting enough coverage for its campaign. Not that I don’t appreciate the efforts,” Roxanne said, giving Megamind a small smile. “Thank you. Our community really needed the help this time, and now it’s practically guaranteed the Scotts will find the funds for bigger rooms.”

“Hey, I would’ve asked my parents to donate if someone had let me know this shelter was in trouble!” Metro Man blinked. “’Our’? Roxie, I didn’t know...”

Roxanne showed him her teeth. “You never asked.” She turned to Megamind. “Anyway, in return for me playing along with your game, you’ll stop tampering with Wayne’s DNA. It really is taking things too far.”

“But if you reveal my involvement with the shelter, it won’t help our cause,” Megamind said slowly. “My help holds negative conNOHtations.”

Roxanne reached out to squeeze his shoulder in solidarity. “Well, I wouldn’t have to do it _this_ time, but there would be less risky opportunities. Are we in agreement?”

After some reluctant nods, Metro Man stepped back and offered his hand to Roxanne. “Ready?”

She grabbed it with a sigh but looked back at Megamind before allowing herself to be transported outside. “You overdid yourself this time.” She waved at Megamind and Minion both.

Knowing that Megamind couldn’t outrun Metro Man, the two evildoers took a moment to process the events. Minion grinned. “That was pretty brilliant, Sir. Does this mean we can talk out the issues with your brand of protectiveness after your escape?”

Megamind threw Minion a wounded look as Metro Man returned to take him in.


End file.
